And Celebrate | Finding Confidence After The Emotional Tsunami Strikes
Late last week, I had the opportunity to catch up with a dear friend over coffee. It had been months since we had seen one another and it felt like a lifetime had passed since then.
As you may have gathered through some of my more recent personal posts, this year has been a doozy for me. Contraction. Expansion. Heartache. Joy. Loss. Rediscovery. Bathtubs full of tears. Boatloads full of laughter. Annnnnnd, a tremendous amount of change.
Being pummeled by an emotional tsunami is an awe-inspiring experience. Once the motion stops, you’re struck with awe: awe that you’ve survived, that you’re still standing… and still breathing, and also that nothing looks the same. Post-tsunami, nothing feels quite as hard as making it through the throws and epic force of the wave and at the same time it feels exhausting knowing that everything must be rebuilt and will never again be the same.
As I started to process my experience out loud, I went on to say, “being in the post-tsunami phase simultaneously shakes your confidence and paves the way for newfound confidence. The beauty of the opportunity to rebuild means you get to choose what the new landscape looks and feels like. You have the freedom and new perspective to honor what you truly need and desire because you’re acutely aware that life is too short not to live in full alignment with what (and who) you care about.”
Then, I said, “you know for years, I always bought into those positive memes you come across online that say things like, “life is short, experience all.the.things.” So, for years, I went around experiencing all.the.things and saying yes to every opportunity that came my way, and as a result, found myself in a constant cycle of burnout. I thought impact and success to be found “out there.” Now, post-tsunami, I spend an unfathomable amount of time alone in my apartment and find myself only saying yes to things that are a total hell yes, and I’ve never felt freer or more fulfilled in my life.”
She looked at me, put her hand on her heart and said, “that’s because you’re living in alignment with your beliefs and values. You’ve been listening to your inner voice and drawing confidence from her nudges. You’ve shifted your focus from doing life to being life, and that’s where the magic lies.”
“Yeah, I guess that’s it,” I said. Boom. Lightbulb moment.
I now truly believe that impact and success come from within. A year ago, the thought of me passing away unexpectedly would have left me with a feeling of regret. Today, that same thought leaves me with a feeling of contentment. Is there still more I desire to create in this lifetime? Heck yes! Is there still more I desire to experience? You bet! But, I can honestly say that as hard as this last year has been, it has been the most satisfying.
The more I’ve tuned in to my inner voice, the more confident I’ve grown in my decisions. As I mentioned in my post last week, the beauty of borrowing a little confidence from your friends when you can’t see it for yourself is that they help you see your value when you’ve lost touch with your inner voice.
If you’re in a place where you feel disconnected from that inner voice, and your ego is doing a damn good job of keeping your connection to it blocked, try this mantra on for size:
“I am ready. Fill me with Divine courage. Fill me with Divine confidence. Give me the ability to act when it’s time to act and patience when it’s time to wait. Fill me with faith, fill me with trust. Let these Divine qualities come.” The author of this mantra goes on to write, “you can even open your hands to the sky and say, “I am ready. Fill me with your Divine confidence. May I learn to honor what I truly need instead of everyone else’s opinion. May I listen inside to your Divine voice.”
This comes from the book, It’s Not Your Money, by Tosha Silver, and it has been an awesome resource for me lately.
If you’re moving through an emotional tsunami of your own, know that hope and stability awaits you on the other side, and confidence resides there too. Your resilience will build it — then watch you take on bigger things, greater risks, more challenging obstacles you never thought you’d have the mental and emotional stamina for.